The Myth of Quality Time

Perspectives on Parenting - The Myth of Quality Time
Once in Animal Kingdom, the animals met to complain about the humans. The cow said, “They take away my milk!” The sheep cribbed about her wool being taken. The hen was upset that her eggs are taken by humans. The horse complained about humans taking all his energy. But the snail was smiling, “I have something they need, but don’t seem to care about, TIME!”

If you are planning to give a gift to your child, consider TIME. A gift they would cherish most. If you want your child successful, the real investment is not money, not more classes, not more gadgets, not computer, not the best school, not less TV but MORE TIME. Quality Time!
While quality time is most used catch phrase, its possibly the most misunderstood. Here we represent the seven myths of quality time. Realising what quality time is NOT will possibly lead us to discover WHAT IT IS. Read on:

MYTH #1: (The working parent’s myth) Its not how much but how you spend the time.
Raising children is not about instant magic. Sporadic solutions give sporadic results. Leaving it on grand parent or caretaker cannot replace the need to child to be with you. You can give birth the test tube way, but you can’t raise children through a test tube. Specially parents of zero to five years olds - consider part time, working from home or anything that increases your time with the child.

MYTH #2: (The non working mother’s myth) I spend enough time with my child.
Only Quantity does not mean quality. Non working mothers say, “I choose not to work so that I can spend time with my children”. You are missing the point if you are counting quality time in terms of hours. While presence is important it is of not much use if it the child is still being raised by instructions, commands, interference and too much dependence (on you). Check out how you spend the time!

MYTH #3: I take good care of my child.
Taking care of physical needs is hardly quality time. Any efficient adult can cook, take of necessities, get homework done, take child to park or swimming or cricket classes (while you sit outside). Its not about physical needs, its about mental and emotional needs. In fact its not even about fulfilling mental and emotional needs. It’s about understanding these needs and then empowering the child to fulfill them. So if your daughter had fight with a friend, its about not offering her advise or solutions but, being empathetically with her till she finds a solution on her own.

MYTH #4 Quality time means spending time for the child.
The key word here is ‘FOR’ the child. While when we say we use the term “with the child”, most of us actually spend time “for the child”. How many times do you really play with them as you are another child: totally into the activity, playing with full josh, fighting, laughing, completely inhibited – enjoying it as much as the child. The moment we play for the child, we play act and that is not real play - its act. What is not genuine is not quality. Are you 100% present with the child?

MYTH #5: Time I spend teaching my child is quality time.
Quality time is not about improving the child. It is definitely not about improving your child’s grades. Most of us are poor teachers. This is simply because we operate from an adult point of view. While we detested dictations as children, we give the same dictation to our children with the authority of a commandant. No wonder most teaching (and homework) situations are tension filled – for both. Quality time – nay! Count the time you learned something from the child as quality time.

MYTH #6: Even if I spend little less time he will anyhow have a successful life (didn't I?).

Somewhere we are forgetting that the first 15 years of life are also PART OF LIFE. So that extra meeting, that extra target at work, and that extra doing up the house is leaving your child with LESS childhood, with less then optimum 15 important years of life. We worry what the child will be tomorrow, we forget that he is somebody today!

MYTH #7: The weekend myth – what I lose during week, I make up over weekend.
Do you also catch up on sleep, exercise, relationships over the weekend! Its like saying "eat junk food during the week, over the weekend we will eat healthy". Unfortunately children don’t develop on such doses. Weekends based parenting either gets loaded with guilt ridden materialistic bribes (I will take you out for pizza) or many a times gets effected by guests, functions, house chores…. Its daily meaningful doses of sunshine that children will blossom in.

And finally we at Geniekids believe that Quality time itself is a myth: A child told his mother who came late from work - "You have taught me how to make a living, but you have not taught me how to make a life! We say, its not about quality time - is about quality life. If we are running behind the clock we will never be able to catch it. Its all about, through consciousness and understanding, filling our child's life with joy.

By Ratnesh Mathur
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One of Geniekids most intensive workshops has been on Quality Time and we got rave reviews like "this was the best workshop in my life"; "A life-opener" etc. Inviting corporates, groups of parents, schools to contact us to explore this most meaningful workshop we have for all parents!
Geniekids will be holding the same again on 29th April 06.
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